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Forgiving Myself November 24, 2010

Posted by jeneypeney in 30 days of truth, girl problems, life, love bites, wishing and dreaming.
1 comment so far

30 Days of Truth: Day 3

Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For

Wow. This is going to be hard to publish.

I’ve known for a long, long time that I am my own worst enemy.

I am constantly setting the bar absurdly high for myself and I never fail to berate the failure inside me for not achieving those ridiculous goals I set. I am, simply, too hard on myself.

As most of you will remember, I went through a severely self-destructive point in my life where I made awful, terrible life choices that still haunt me to this very moment. While I know the reasons I even took these leaps into the dark and dangerous were not my  fault – they were still my choices to make.

I have never – ever – forgiven myself for putting myself into those situations.

And now I have this wonderful, loving, and absolutely perfect man in my life who loves the shit out of me, and I can’t help but think I don’t deserve him; that he should have a woman in his life that is less damaged and used. I am plagued by the feeling that someday all of my transgressions will finally hit him (although he knows about them already), and he’ll realize I am no good for him… or anyone else.

Those feelings? Those stupid mistakes I made years ago? That is what I need to forgive myself for. I have to reach deep down inside and find it in my heart to know that it is all in my past and I cannot change it. Every stupid choice and every regret has shaped me into the woman who The Actual asked to marry him – that this woman is no longer broken and is worthy of love and affection and all that shmoopy bullshit that comes with it.

I have to forgive myself for those desperate mistakes I made. They may have been the worst ones – but they weren’t the only ones. And they certainly won’t be the last.

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Post It Note Tuesday: Get Pissed April 20, 2010

Posted by jeneypeney in girl problems, life, love bites, piss and moan, post it note tuesdays, save yo drama fo yo mama.
6 comments

Have you ever been so mad, angry, irritated, enraged, and frustrated that you wanted to punch yourself in the face so you can just feel something else for a few minutes?

No? I’m the only one? Fine. Be like that. Ass-wipes.

Anypissed,

I’m taking out my bad week (It’s only Tuesday? FACK!) on my blog via Post It Note Tuesday. Because I can.

Everyone keeps telling me to “enjoy it because it won’t be like that in the summer!” Why don’t you try handling WET clothes when it’s this cold in the building? Then you can talk to me about enjoying the cold…

Just. Shut. Up. For the love of all that is holy I honestly don’t care.

So far – the best form of birth control I have ever been on.

Which shouldn’t be a big deal because he’s moving anyway in a couple months… but damnit! I just want my boyfriend right now!

Seriously. Pay me back. I need to buy food so I’m not so cranky…

‘Nuff said.

I’m Just Sayin’ Wednesday – The Potential March 31, 2010

Posted by jeneypeney in FML, girl problems, i'm a moron, i'm just sayin', life, love bites.
12 comments

WARNING: This post is wicked shmoopy. If you don’t want to read that kind of crap go here.

I met a boy.

For those who follow me on twitter , I’ve been referring to him as “The Potential.”

I call him that because we haven’t made anything official even though we hold hands and kiss and talk everyday and all that stupid dating crap.

The Potential is your quintessential “good guy” and honestly,  general cares about me.

He makes me feel safe and beautiful – things past boys have rarely ever made me feel.

…and he has a motorcycle. (C’mon, guys. You didn’t think I’d really fall for Beaver Cleaver did you?)

It took me months to even let myself like this boy.

Now? He’s has turned me into a complete stupid, grinning cheese-ball.

The Potential may be moving across the state for a job in a couple months.

I’m trying to be supportive and I tell him what a great opportunity it is and that he should give it a chance if it is offered to him.

But down inside? Deep down? Under a rock? I’m screaming, “Don’t you dare leave me after you let me fall for your goofy ass!”

I’m being selfish, I know.

But I don’t care.

Dating sucks, yo.

I’m just sayin’.