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Turkey Shmurkey November 25, 2010

Posted by jeneypeney in bloggers do it best, schmoop, the holidaze.
1 comment so far

In all honesty, I am thankful for all of you. You guys are the ones who listen to (read?) my crap when no one else does…

I hope today is full of inordinate amounts of food, plenty of libations, and endless amounts of family ridiculousness you can use for blog material.

Happy Thanksgiving!


Why I Hate Valentine’s Day February 12, 2010

Posted by jeneypeney in FML, love bites, save yo drama fo yo mama, sentimental stuff, the holidaze.

This weekend, roughly eighty seven percent of the people I know will be exchanging absurdly expensive velvet boxes of candy, annoying stuffed members of the animal kingdom, and ridiculous displays of foliage all while making me want to vomit. all. day.

No, really. It’s not that big of a deal.

It’s fine that the only flowers I have ever received on National Schmoopsie Poo Day were from the boyfriend who ended up dumping me as I was getting in the car to leave for college and my father when I was in my twenties.

It doesn’t even matter that I have to buy myself those absurdly expensive velvet boxes of candy.

I really don’t even care that I have had a super sexy little hot pink teddy in the back of my closet for the past five years with no one to wear it for.

And I don’t even like jewelry, anyway.

(Me? Bitter? Never.)

Because my hatred of Valentine’s Day does not stem from always being single on February 14th. Oh no, no, no. Not this girl. No-sir-ee-bobby! I can’t believe I just typed that.

Back when I was a wee tike in grade school, if we were going to bring Valentines for someone we had to bring one for everyone in the class. We even made card receptacles out of paper bags and construction paper during class for this shenanigan of a holiday.

I know what you are thinking. And, no, I did not get shafted on my Valentines like Gretchen Weiners. My pain and suffering runs far deeper than that.

You see, when I was in the fourth grade I had a huge crush on a boy. Let’s call him Mr. Meanie Pants. Because I’m mature like that.

I boldly decided to ask Mr. Meanie Pants to be my Valentine. And at the tender age of nine, I had devised a very discrete and devious way of doing so without the embarrassment of the whole class knowing about my crush.

I wrote him a note that I felt was so poetic and heartfelt I almost didn’t give it to him. It read:

Clever, huh?

I slipped the note into his Valentine before I popped it into his scarcely decorated Valentine bag.

Now all I had to do was wait… and I didn’t have to wait long.

Mr. Meanie pants did not circle yes. He didn’t circle no. Hell, he didn’t even just ignore it and pretend I never gave it to him to begin with.

Rather, he felt it was necessary to laugh boisterously about the note. Then he read it to his band of hoodlum friends. After they got a good snort and chuckle out of it, the other twelve ten-year-olds in the class wanted to know what was so funny.

He then announced to the entire class that he, Mr. Meanie Pants, would, in fact, NEVER be my Valentine. After his proclamation, he proceeded to savagely rip my note apart and throw it on the ground.

Who has two thumbs and despises Singles Awareness Day?

This fucking girl.

(I have just realized that the fourth grade was quite possibly the most mortifying and traumatic year of my life.)

2009? Not so fine… December 31, 2009

Posted by jeneypeney in new years resolutions, the holidaze, the midwest.

When 2009 began, I have to say I figured it was going to be a good year. It was the year of the Ox (the Chinese sign I was born under), it was the beginning of my first full year of being a college grad, I had a job, and I was officially living on my own.

Well. It wasn’t a complete bust… but it wasn’t the worst year either.

My one year Blogiversary is actually coming up. When I introduced myself to the blogging world, I mentioned that starting this blog and keeping it going was one of my New Year’s Resolutions. Although I may never be nominated for a 20SB Bootlegger (go vote!!!) or have over a hundred followers, I’d say this resolution was achieved.

I also mentioned I wanted to get out of the Midwest… and although I did move, I just went to the northernmost part of the Midwest. So that’s a half fail.

I wanted to get back into competitive running… and I completed a 10K at a 9 minute/mile pace. I had signed up for a 5K, but it was thwarted by 20 degree weather and snow. I’d say that was accomplished.

What is in store for 2010?

Well, first of all I want to run (and finish without dying) a Half Marathon. Second, I want to blog and comment more often. It would also be nice if I could go the whole year without my bank account going into the red.

Happy New Year followers! Make it a good one!

PS – I forgot to mention Jenn yesterday in my 20SB Bootlegger shout out!! Go vote for her!