WARNING: This is a sports related post. If for some reason you do not live, eat, breathe, sleep, and die for the athletic world, you might want to steer your browser this way.
When I was a kid, my mother was absolutely hell-bent on making her only daughter the girliest girl that girl-dom ever did see.
When she signed me up for dance classes, I shoved my tights in the heating vent and tossed my shoes in the back of my closet. “I don’t know where they went, Mommy. Maybe Jordan (the dog) ate them?”
Then she tried drama classes. Guess who never remembered to bring her script to rehearsal?
Don’t even get me started on the pageant and baton twirling crap.
So at the tender age of nine, when she realized that frilly dresses and big bows were not in my future, she handed me off to my father and directed him to, “Get her into something so she doesn’t get pregnant or addicted to meth before middle school.”
That’s when I started playing soccer.
Now, I know that soccer isn’t entirely a red-headed step-child of sports here in America, but it’s not exactly the Marsha Brady of the family either.
I’ve put up with the taunts, the jeers, and the criticism from people who don’t understand the beauty and intricacy of the game. I’ve even been told that “soccer players aren’t real athletes”, to which I say, why don’t you try running up and down a 130 yard field virtually non-stop for an hour and a half (at least) while people kick and jump and slide at your feet. Oh, and kick a ball as close to your body as possible while you’re doing it.
Not so easy is it, asshole?
Anyrant, I have come to terms with the fact that soccer will never be as big a sensation in the US as it is in other countries.
Why? Because we, as a nation, do not have patience. We want everything right. fucking. NOW. Especially when it comes to sports.
No one really wants to watch basketball players dribble and pass the ball – we all want to see mind-blowing three pointers and gravity defying slam dunks.
No one honestly cares about a football team’s eleven play drive down the field – we’d rather watch a running back take it eighty yards on his own or a wide receiver catch it with one hand in the corner of the end zone.
And don’t even try to tell me that you don’t wish for home run hits during baseball games.
I know these are gross generalizations and not every citizen of this country – or every sport organization – is this way. However, I think I can honestly say that we will never be patient enough to watch a sport that consists of ninety minutes of passing, shooting, and defending without a score for soccer to ever become one of the Big 4* (5?) of the United States.
Much like no one who reads my blog anymore had enough patience to read over 500 words on this crap…
* NFL, NBA, NHL, MLB