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I’m Just Sayin’ – Paying to Pody April 28, 2010

Posted by jeneypeney in being appropriate is overrated, empty threats, i'm just sayin', piss and moan, traveling.
3 comments

For anyone that flies (not literally asshole… on a plane), you know that airlines have been taking us to the cleaners with all the hidden fees and charges that we have to pay to sit our happy little asses in their cramped coach seats.

Checked bag fees, overweight bag fees, change of seat fees, airline ‘food’ fees, you’re-too-fat fees, booking fees, little-kid-by-themselves fees, flight change fees, pet fees…

Suck on fees nutz!!

I’m sorry. That was immature. And lame.

…sorry.

But geez! I wouldn’t be surprised if they started charging us to take a piss on the plane!

Wait… what is that you say? They already are?

Well, shit on me!*

This has got to be some kind of violation of a civil liberty or a health insurance scam or something.

And the logistics have got to be a nightmare! How do you regulate something like that? Is the door coin operated? What if you don’t have exact change? Do we all need to purchase pre-paid swipe cards which will no doubt have activation, usage, interest, and optional glittery design fees attached to them? Do we all have to answer three questions to cross the threshold of the insanely tiny lavatory?

In all honesty, this may not be a problem for most people who fly. But what about elderly people? Pregnant women? Those blessed with bladders the size of a dime? Or people who had their flight delayed because of your inept airline and had a few or eight martinis at the airport bar and broke the seal too early?

I’ll tell you what, my friends… I’d whip out the barf bag and drop trow in the middle of the plane or even piss over the ice in the little plastic cup my shot of soda came in before I stick any of my laundry quarters in a door to sit on your poor excuse for a toilet.

I’m just sayin’.

* You might actually have to if you don’t have any quarters…

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Sometimes you just get lucky… March 23, 2010

Posted by jeneypeney in all growed up, life, sentimental stuff, the midwest, traveling, weddng madness.
8 comments

On March 13, 2010 at 3:00pm, at St. Patrick’s Church in South Bend, Indiana, in front of 500 friends and family members* and aided by a wedding party of over 20 people**, my good friends Becky and Isaiah officially became husband and wife.

Mr. and Mrs. Beckman

… and kicked off my marathon of weddings for the year.

Glamorous

The wedding was absolutely beautiful and I have to admit I was a complete wreck and I cried as Becky walked down the aisle. I just could believe she was finally going to be Becky Beckman***. The whole ordeal blew my mind.

The wedding was Irish themed and everything was green. They used stripped Jagermeister bottles as vases for centerpieces (clever, eh?), had FIVE different flavors of cake (inner fat kids rejoiced), the  carb fest known as a polish dinner served family style (more inner fat kid delight), and an open bar all night complete with green beer (getting a head start on technicolor vomiting? priceless).

It will be damn hard for the weddings that are following to compare to this one.

The Bride wore green shoes! 🙂

This wedding was also my second time seeing the work of Christin Berry, wedding photographer extraordinaire. She happens to be Becky’s sister and is a true believer that “wedding photography is THE most important part of your wedding. The images are the only lasting thing to show all of the hard planning and intimate details that you picked.

And in all honesty, who doesn’t want to hire a photographer that doesn’t only take her job seriously, but

truly appreciates everything that goes into the planning?

She photographs for Blue Martini Photography and they do a spectacular job at everything they do. They will travel (within reason) and if you are in need of a photographer for ANYTHING, seriously go check them out.

I could not be happier for Becky and Isaiah. I kind of always thought of them as a married couple… but they never once made me feel awkward or like the “token single friend” when I hung out with them.

Watching them on the most important day of their lives together was well worth the 20+ hours of driving it took to get there!

I love you both and send nothing but congratulations and best of wishes to you two!

… even though I gave Becky a sympathy card when you  got engaged.

The Happy Couple

* I know! HUGE! And she planned the whole thing PLUS a honeymoon in Mexico for under $14K!
** I don’t even think I have 20 friends I want to INVITE to my wedding.
*** It’s okay, don’t feel bad. I snorted a little, too.

Crossing state lines, chest colds, and black thongs. March 17, 2010

Posted by jeneypeney in a little help from my friends, i'm a moron, traveling.
5 comments

Seven days, over twenty hours of traveling, five state lines, $180 in gas, and a dead iPod later – I’m back, bitches!

And somewhere in the hoopla of the weekend, I was infected with the weight of a horse on my chest, manly voice, and the ability to cough up internal organs. This is commonly known as a chest cold but I’m pretty sure this is what death feels like.

All in time for St. Patrick’s day. Fuck yooooouuuu, karma!

Now, now.There’s no need to do any sort of happy dances. And wipe that shit eating grin off your face. I’m not posting anything of substance… yet.

I do have a fun story about a girl and her black thong, a guy pooping on someone’s front porch, and my real life encounter with a Hoarder, though.

I would also like to send a very, very belated birthday wish to my good friend and loyal reader, Peach.

She has finally fulfilled her dream of owning a Ford Focus and although hers is blue, I know she’s always had a special place in her heart for orange ones.

So this one is for you, Peach. Happy Birthday!

Click me to see big me! (TWSS?)