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A Glass Case of Emotion April 5, 2013

Posted by jeneypeney in i'm just sayin', piss and moan, sentimental stuff.
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I’m a real sap, people. A pathetic, hopeless, emotional bundle of sappy, schmoopy feelings that unleash themselves in a torrent of tears, curse words, and mopey-face at the drop of a hat.

Usually the direct cause of this disorder is the arbitrary, fictional characters of television and film who insist on pulling at my heart string with all their funny quirks and heartbreaking shortcomings. Just to give you an idea of what I am talking about?

When I was a kid, my parents took me to see The Little Mermaid when it came out in theaters. I cried for HOURS when Ariel left King Triton to be with Eric. Her tearful and heartfelt goodbye to her daddy at her wedding was too much for my four year old heart to bear.

To this day, no matter how many times I watch it, I will promptly begin to bawl my eyes out in Armageddon when Bruce Willis’ character pushes Ben Affleck in to the elevator to take his place on that stupid space rock. “Harry I love you!” … gets me every. damn. time.

But there are plenty of other things that turn my tear-ducts in to overdrive.

This weekend I cried my eyes out at a freaking rock concert because the band decided to end their set with this song while showing Amanda Todd’s story on the big screen. One ginormous, sobbing mess I tell ya.

The Actual has actually learned which sniffing noise I make is indicative of a breakdown and preemptively holds me while I sob over THE STUPIDEST SHIT ANYONE COULD EVER CRY ABOUT!

So last night, while watching my go-to favorite show Grey’s Anatomy, I found myself fighting back tears right at the start of the show. Why?

No, not because Meredith and Derrick were making some pretty huge life decisions regarding their children in the wake of their genome tests.

Nope, not because of the pending doom that seems to be awaiting Dr. Bailey and the sudden spread of a life-threatening infection in her surgical patients.

Not even because Kepner’s cute EMT boyfriend is kind of being a poop about her coming clean regarding her virginity.

I was crying because the episode featured two Syrian surgeons who were flown to the states to learn how to perform procedures on those adults and children wounded in the war with nothing more than cotton balls, a match stick, and a flashlight.

Now… I understand the show is a work of fiction. I completely comprehend it is a part of a genre called “drama”. And I know the circumstances those two surgeons were explaining are not truly accurate depictions of what is truly happening in Syria. But that doesn’t negate the fact that there is a war raging as I write this… and that people are dying because of it.

Toward the end of the episode I sat up, looked at The Actual, and said, “I wish I didn’t care so much about things I have no control over.”

Recently my state won Mother Jones’ Anti-Choice March Madness bracket and for good reason. My brother’s right to marry the man he loves is currently being decided by our nation’s highest court. And recently I witnessed some of the most blatant racism I have ever seen fly right under the radar on my own campus.

Quite some time ago I wrote about being emotionally drained due to issues very similar to those in this post. I do sincerely wish sometimes that I was ignorant of these matters. I also find myself insanely jealous of The Actual’s ability to keep so calm and collected in the face of them.*

I wish I didn’t care about things I have no control over. I wish I had control over these things. I wish the people who do have control would just be reasonable.

I wish this world wasn’t so damn ugly. I’m too stupid emotional to handle it… just ask Ariel and Shonda Rhimes.

* Side Story: When the abortion laws were signed in North Dakota, our Governor began to receive death threats. The Actual and I were talking about it when I mentioned I thought those people were going a bit too far. He replied by saying, “Well it wouldn’t be so hard to kill him now. Just find a way to get him pregnant.”

Protected: Who’s Wedding Is It, Anyway? May 10, 2011

Posted by jeneypeney in being appropriate is overrated, i'm just sayin', piss and moan, save yo drama fo yo mama, the famn damily, weddng madness.
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Emotionally Exhausted February 18, 2011

Posted by jeneypeney in all growed up, being appropriate is overrated, i'm just sayin', life, piss and moan, the 'f' word.
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I have always been a passionate person. I consider it one of my greatest strengths as well as one of my worst weaknesses. I can be a fiercely loyal friend, but sometimes it’s to an extent where I let your problems infect my own life. I will fight for what I believe in, but sometimes it’s to a point that I’m just beating a dead horse.

I am passionate and I am not sorry.

I am trying to pull this post together without going off on wild tangents or becoming so incoherent that I fail to get my point across – because this is important to me. I think I may have failed but bear with me…

For those of you who are friends with me on facebook, you may have noticed that I am have become one of those overly irritating “This is my cause! Read it!” kind of people. I just realized I had become this person late this week and for that, I am sorry.

But some of these bills that are being presented, supported, and pushed through all levels of government are honestly so terrifying and infuriating I cannot just sit back and let things happen. I need to stand up for what I believe in. I need to to use my little soap box to try and put a stop to the madness before life as know it falls apart. I need to let my passion come out.

First I heard about the GOP attempting to re-define the definition of rape to cut off federal aid of abortions to rape victims. Before you get up in arms about the abortion part, know this – regardless of whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, redefining what rape is and even considering that some forms of rape are not forcible is beyond repulsive. As a survivor of sexual abuse(s), this one cut me real deep.  [NOTE: I understand that the “forcible” wording was removed from the bill, but the fact that it was there to begin with is still terrible.]

Then I found out that the place I go to get all my lady-health care is on the cusp of being denied federal funding. Why do I go to Planned Parenthood rather than a gynecologist at my doctor’s office? Why do I care that funding for them is being cut? Because Planned Parenthood allows me to AFFORD my lady-health care. Simple as that. I don’t go there because I’m some kind of loose, baby killing left-wing radical. No.I go to Planned Parenthood because I have been able to get my yearly pap-smears, birth control prescriptions, and other services without have to forgo eating that month.

Third, I find out the new governor of Wisconsin is in the process of breaking down worker’s unions all in the name of fixing the budget (with the exception of police and firefighters clever bastard, eh?). Considering my father is a member of a worker’s union in Wisconsin (not by choice either – the company he worked at for over two decades was shut down and his position was moved to the new company which already had this system in place), is the sole bread-winner of my family, and struggles to support my mother and two brothers as it is? This bill Walker is trying to pass scares the hell out of me.

It doesn’t help that people in my facebook news feed who don’t even LIVE in Wisconsin and work at ‘white collar’ jobs are supporting what Walker is doing. To them I have one thing to say… Step out of your ivory towers and shut. the. fuck. up. Go outside of the little box of your own life and think about how these bills affects families like mine.

I feel as if my country is fighting tooth and nail against me because I am a woman and I am middle class. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have been failed by the system.

Between my spring sports travel schedules starting up, taking two extremely demanding grad classes this semester, trying to pay deposits for the wedding, waiting to hear back from The Actual’s new job about his passing the background check and finger prints, discovering that my alma mater and her brother institution has once again disappointed me to the verge of tears, and dealing with life in general? I’m tuckered out, folks.

I apologize if I offended anyone with this post or my incessant facebook updates – but I am not sorry for being passionate and standing up for my rights. Because if I don’t, who will?