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Women’s Writes – Taking Control May 5, 2010

Posted by jeneypeney in all growed up, girl problems, life, pop culture, sexy time, women's writes.

When the Criminal Homicide and Abortion Amendments bill passed in Utah at the beginning of March, both Shine and Marie reached the end of their rope when it came to women’s rights and issues consistently being pushed backwards rather than moving forwards. They decided create Women’s Writes, the fifth day of every month in which any blogger could write about women’s rights and issues and bring them to the forefront so that we could speak up and make all of our voices heard.


When I began writing for this month’s Women’s Writes, I was originally going to talk about birth control and the difficulties of getting it whilst one is in attendance at an all women’s Catholic College.

But I figured that’s kind of a no-brainer, right? So instead I am going to write about (dramatic pause)….


“But, Jeney… Condoms? Isn’t that a guy thing? Why talk about jimmy hats for Women’s Writes?”

Well, I could be completely off base about this, but it seems that there is still a stigma on women who purchase, carry around, or otherwise have condoms in their possession. Frankly, I still feel a small twinge of embarrassment when I buy condoms myself and have to avert my eyes from the cashier.

You’ve seen The Pregnancy Pact**, remember the scene when the one girl in the group who wasn’t pregnant was embarrassed to buy condoms? So Thora Birch’s character offered to do it with her to show the girls that there was no need to be ashamed of it?

That is exactly what I am talking about here.

Why is it I feel like Suzy McCashier is judging me? There is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed of taking control of your right to manage what happens to your uterus. After all, if we as women are expected to be on the pill, patch, shot, ring, IUD, etc., to prevent pregnancy, shouldn’t we be able to take charge on the condom thing too?

Because let’s face it, guys aren’t always going to be cooperative when it comes to wrapping it up.

Don’t be ashamed of buying condoms. Don’t be afraid to stash some in your purse when you go out for the night. It doesn’t mean you are a slut or easy – it means you’re an intelligent woman who is in command of of her reproductive rights.

* Of course there are other forms of non-hormonal birth control like female condoms and diaphragms, but as those are considered “female” forms of contraception they may not hold the same social discomfort as male condoms.

** Don’t lie to me. I know you did.


My 100th Post January 13, 2010

Posted by jeneypeney in being appropriate is overrated, i wish i was still in college, i'm a moron, love bites, music, piss and moan, post grad dilemma, save yo drama fo yo mama, sexy time, shenanigans, the famn damily.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Fish Bowl’s 100th post. Albeit, not quite as mind blowing or monumental as PB & Tuna or MJenks’ 100th Follower… but still more exciting than Sarah Palin joining Fox News or Mark McGuire admitting to steroid use.

Yay! Go me!

Considering I am completely narcissistic unoriginal and unimaginative, I am commemorating this post with 100 wholly pointless things about me.

If you thought you knew Jeney before, you are in for it.


1) My name has never been, is not, nor will it ever be Jennifer.

2) My favorite color is pink despite my personality and my hatred of it as a child.

3) My brother threw a flag stone at my head once when I was six knocking me out for fifteen minutes. I retaliated by crushing his hand with one a week later.

4) I have a birthmark on the bottom of my left foot. My dad has the same one.

5) My mom originally wanted to name me Nadina – Dina for short. (Dina the Dinosaur jokes, anyone?)

6) I cannot stand it when people chew with their mouths open. The smacking noise drives me bonkers.

7) I have had a sick obsession with vampires ever since I saw The Lost Boys as a kid. Twilight fans have nothing on me!

8) My only true fears in life are weed whackers, chain saws, and clowns.

9) I have been told that I have excellent taste in music when I am sober and awful taste in music when I am drunk.

10) I was technically a preemie- I was born four weeks early, but I was perfectly healthy and at a normal weight.

11) My parents were married in May of 1985, I was born in October on 1985. I was technically at the wedding.

12) I run to really loud, angry music – like Mudvayne and Five Finger Death Punch. However, I lift and elipticise (is that even a word?) to stuff like Lady Gaga and old school N’Sync.

13) I crochet and I love it.

14) I was born blonde and strived to stay that way until my senior year of college. I’ve discovered being brunette is way better.

15) I am the only person in my immediate family whose name does not start with an “L”.

16) This happens to be my favorite number.

17) I am closer to my 18 year old brother than I am with anyone else in this world.

18) I have had to do the math to remember how old I am turning every birthday since turning 21. I’m in denial already.

19) I have always wanted to have twin boys and name them Kristian Dakota and Kristopher Zachary. So they would be Kris and Kris (and hate me for it) but we would call them Dak and Zac.

20) Pickle Chiffon Pie is by far my favorite book EVER.

21) I have to admit that Peyton Manning commercials are my guilty pleasure.

22) So is really awful 90s pop music.

23) I once watched “My Super Sweet 16” for five hours straight. To this day I still have no idea why.

24) I used to get in my mom’s shopping cart and pull things off the shelves just to annoy her – when I was in high school.

25) My first word was “Floyd”… as in “Pink Floyd”.

26) My father once beat a guy to within an inch of his life for molesting me when I was 13 years old. I secretly wish he would have succeeded.

27) The only major surgery I have ever had was for a hernia.

28) You really shouldn’t take life too seriously because you’re not getting out of it alive.

29) The most profound thing any of my undergrad professors ever said to me was, “You are not an adult until you buy your own toilet paper.”

30) If you made it this far down my list, add the word ‘duck’ to your comment.

31) I am not a super religious person, but I do believe in God and I do believe He does everything for a reason.

32) I used to think my mom was Rosanne when I was a kid.

33) I love Christmas music, but I refuse to listen to it until Thanksgiving Day.

34) All of my iPod playlists have ridiculous names like “Sorry for Partying” and “I Giada de Laurentis on the Food Network without staring at her boobs.

43) The most attentive, loving, and caring man I have ever met in my life is currently two years old.

44) The first thing I do when I come home from work, errands, a friends place, etc. is take my pants off.

45) I used to write a lot of poetry when I was in high school. I still have my book I used to write them in. You can find some of it here.

46) I have the WORST road rage ever.

47) I have an organizational OCD. Everything I own is in some sort of order (alphabetical, height, color, etc.)

48) The two coolest scars on my body are on my crotch (hernia surgery) and my calf (motorcycle incident).

49) I also have a small scar on my lower lip. I have no idea how it got there. Neither do my parents.

50) I never wore shoes when I was a kid. Now, I *love* them.

51) I’m awful at flirting. I also get incredibly awkward when boys give me compliments.

52) I still get Happy Meals at McDonald’s. (Sometimes I even go for the Mighty Kids’ Meals.)

53) My type is “the suit”. My secret type is “the bad boy”.

54) I don’t care what you say; Batman is the best comic superhero EVER!

55) My navel has been pierced since I was 16. I have wanted to take it out since I was 19… I just can’t find it in myself to do it.

56) My grandfather is, and always will be, my hero.

57) The best roommates a girl could ask for are two overgrown, seventeen year old boys stuck in 20 something year old bodies.

58) Ever since I was in high school, I have wanted to join the armed forces (preferably the Navy). My mom put the kibosh on it when I graduated HS and circumstances kept me away from it when I graduated college. I still think about it every day.

59) I don’t think I could ever go back to Vegas because of the first time I ever went there.

60) If you got this far down my list, add another ‘duck’ to your comment.

61) Currently, I have not had an orgasm caused by another person in five years. (TMI?) I don’t know if it’s a mental thing or a ‘Jeney-really-knows-how-to-pick-em’ problem.

62) I have serious issues with pubic hair. I mean like ‘vomit-in-my-mouth’ kind of problems.

63) I am a fiercely loyal friend. However, you have to earn it.

64) I actually have awful self-esteem issues. I hide it behind my sarcasm.

65) This may not seem true, but camping and sleeping in the wilderness is the best night’s sleep you will ever get.

66) I always kind of with I would have gone to culinary school.

67) I prefer beer over any type of liquor; but I have always wanted to be a wine connoisseur.

68) Strawberry/peach is the best fruit combination for anything.

69) Brinner is the greatest meal ever, hands down.

70) Deep down, I want to be a great blogger like LiLu or Ben; but I don’t have the time or talent to do so. I have become perfectly content being the little blogger I am. 🙂

71) Miley Cyrus makes me want to shove forks in my ears.

72) I have never traveled outside of the states; not even to Canada or Mexico.

73) I purge my Facebook friends of people I no longer deem worthy of my time on a quarterly basis.

74) I want to get wasted with the guy who dubbed this video.

75) I was college roommates with a pretty well-known and loved 20 Something Blogger. We haven’t spoken since graduation day. I kind of miss ‘em.

76) My dream job would be the General Manager of the Chicago Bears. I’ll settle for being an Athletic Director somewhere.

77) I was flamed so badly the first week I joined 20SB on my profile that I am still afraid to get involved in the group.

78) Coming home from vacation to a clean house is the most relaxing feeling in the world.

79) I absolutely love Lady Gaga and I have no idea if I should be ashamed of it or not.

80) When I was in the 7th grade, I heard some boys on the playground talk about how gross it was for a girl to have hair “down there”. I agreed with them so I started shaving that night.

81) I feel that am not done learning and I want to go back to school.

82) The two most amazing things about Fargo so far are 50 Cent Draft Wednesdays at Bucks and Two for One You Call Its at Big D’s.

83) I wish I would have listened to my parents when they told me not to grow up so fast.

84) As much as I bitched about it while I lived there, I really miss Indiana sometimes.

85) I’m beginning to think my new Blackberry is my new best friend.

86) I still make wishes on my eyelashes.

87) I used to have a very extensive collection of gel pens when I was in junior high. I and I mean extensive… neon, glitter, metallic. You name it and I had it.

88) On that same note, I am still obsessed with highlighters and sharpies.

89) Sometimes when I am in a children’s section (clothes, books, whatever) I get this overwhelming feeling of wanting to get married and have kids like NOW. Then I come back to my senses.

90) If you made it this far down my list add the word ‘goose’ to your comment.

91) I have always kind of wanted to be a writer, but I never felt I was good enough to make it a career.

92) The greatest gift I ever got was one half of a 14 carat gold “Best Friend” heart from my mother when I was in high school.

93) I have a very vivid memory of watching an animated movie as a kid where rats were being killed and there was blood everywhere. To this day, no one has a clue what movie I am talking about and that I imagined the whole thing.

94) I have both a dream catcher and a rosary hanging above my bed.

95) It really bugs me when I don’t recognize a person on Facebook because they got married and changed their name.

96) I have owned this poster since I was a freshman in college and I still think it is one of the most impressive band posters I have ever seen.

97) My first concert I ever went to was the Smashing Pumpkins Infinite Sadness Tour in Chicago for my 11th birthday.

98) I gave a professional quarterback a lap dance once… and I don’t remember doing it.

99) When I was in high school, I ate three Bosco Sticks dipped in cheese sauce and marinara, a bag of Doritos, a chocolate shake, and three chocolate chip cookies for lunch EVERY DAY and still only weighed 110 lbs. I want that metabolism back.

100) I felt like this fact should have been earth shattering, but it is really hard to think up 100 facts about yourself.

Thanks for stickin’ around! Let the judging commence…

What happens in Vegas ends up on my blog. November 9, 2009

Posted by jeneypeney in bad-ass-ness, i wish i was still in college, sexy time, shenanigans.

I have been to Vegas once in my life. Only once. When I say I lived like a rock star when I was there, I’m not exaggerating in any way, shape or form. I honestly only spent a total of $200 the entire weekend and that included parking my car in the South Bend airport, a cab to the house I was staying at, gambling, and a ticket to see Bette Midler*.

Rock. Star. Bitches.

Let me explain…

My junior year of college, my good friend Glamour** was dating a fella who played poker. A lot. And he was good at it. He owned a Beemer to prove so. He happened to be playing in the World Series of Poker that summer and we both decided to use him as an excuse to get stupid drunk on the strip for a weekend be the good friends that we were and go cheer him on.

When I arrived at the Las Vegas Airport I was greeted with 100+ degree weather, slot machines, and billboards with half naked women on them. I was in absolute heaven. I cabbed it to the house I was staying at, which turned out to be Rock Star Moment #1.

This house was easily worth $2mil. Easy. It had eleven bedrooms, thirteen baths, a theater of Lazy Boy recliners in the basement, “guesthouse” with retractable walls, and one of those crazy waterfall pools with a tiki-bar hot tub attached. Their broom closet was bigger than my bedroom, for Pete’s sake! There were twelve guys renting the house for the summer – all of which were playing in the WSP.

After a quick tour, I slipped on a sexy little number and all twenty of us jumped into a Hummer Limo (which the guys paid for) and went to dinner at N9NE in the Palms. Cue Rock Star Moment #2.

We all ate a fantastic dinner off a menu in which nothing was within my vacation budget (I got the filet mignon). When the bill came, all the guys threw their credit cards into the middle of the table. One girl would pick up the cards, chose a number, and count out then out. That guy’s card she counted to? He got his card back. Said girl would then pass the cards onto the next one at the table. The last card standing paid for dinner.

The most nauseating thing about this? That several grand bill was pocket change to these guys.

After getting good and sloshed buzzed at dinner, we went to a club called Tryst. Holy sweet baby Jesus in a hand basket.

There is a waterfall in the middle of this club people. Did you read that? A WATERFALL. And beautiful people EVERYWHERE. We had table service with about seven bottles of Grey Goose, every mixer imaginable, and a big breasted, half dressed woman pouring our drinks into actual glasses (not cheap plastic cups) all night long. Did I mention the guys paid for our cover, table, and liquor as well? (Ahem… Rock Star Moment #3.)

That was all on the first night. So much more happened that weekend, but this post is already entirely too long. Just take comfort in knowing that I spent the Fourth of July nursing a hangover via hair of the dog from the tiki-bar hot tub and eventually made out with one of the guys under a waterfall in the pool.

I win.

*STFU. That show rocked my pants off.

**Changing her name for anonymity purposes. Duh.