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Our New House… a Patriotic Adventure May 15, 2013

Posted by jeneypeney in all growed up, being appropriate is overrated.
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I have been keeping this kind of quiet on the social media front due to unfortunate circumstances involved with a third-party*, but The Actual and I just closed on our first home!

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I have no idea why I’m making that face.

We are beyond excited and super pumped about having a space to call our own and to finally feel like we’ve settled down. We are both definitely over apartment living and all the noise neighbors, inept management, insect problems, and itty-bitty living space that comes with it.

(…and I was sick of The Actual’s woodworking hobby getting saw-dust all over our shit in the garage.)

After signing a gazillion papers and receiving the keys, we headed over to our newly purchased home and started prepping the place for painting and moving.

Now, we knew the previous owners loved America from our first step in to the house. But it wasn’t until last night that we truly realized just how MUCH they loved our country.

You see, even when you first turn on to our little street, we easily have the most unusual and eye-catching mailbox on the block. We didn’t really get a good look at it when we first viewed the house because it was mostly buried under several feet of snow…

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No terrorist mail for us, thanks!

The living room, kitchen, basement, and hallways are fine with the exception of a bizarre paint job of the kitchen cabinets (more on that in a future post).

However, the first bedroom is what the “Man Cave” was originally.  When we were viewing the home for the first time, this room came loaded (pun absolutely intended) with a poorly hidden gun cabinet (blankets are deceiving, you know), an ammo reloading bench, and related hunting paraphernalia. The icing on the cake, however, was the hunter’s dream wallpaper  surrounding us on all four walls (thank the sweet baby Jesus this isn’t floor to ceiling…)

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Not so bad from far away…

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… there it is!

For now this will be a crafting and workout room. Eventually, we’ll convert it in to a nursery. We plan on painting the walls a light yellow now and later we’ll paint the paneling a light gray when baby-making time comes around.

Right next door to the “Man Cave” is what I like to call the “Patriot’s Lair”. This room, when viewing, had bright red curtains, an American flag blanket on a futon, and of course, a lovely Red, White, and Blue “I LOVE AMERICA, DAMNIT!!!” wallpaper ribbon around the entire room.

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What country are you from? I can’t place your accents.

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I honestly have to say I am surprised the top portion isn’t red.

Originally we were going to paint the whole room a light green. We decided to keep the textured brown paint job on top and we’ll be painting the lower portion an earthy green. Brian plans on replacing the “USA” ribbons with a John Deere strip because… farming.  This will be the office!

Finally, we have the master bedroom. Four of the three walls are painted a dark blue – which we actually don’t mind. However, the fourth wall is a deep, dark red (of course keeping with our patriotic theme!) Needless to say, we’re not big fans.

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I think I should feel bad for making fun of this so much…

Initially, we thought the carpet was a dark gray color. Upon further inspection, however, it revealed itself to have red and blue hues interspersed throughout.

Seriously… THE CARPET IS RED, WHITE, AND FREAKING BLUE!

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::cue moment I stopped feeling bad about making fun of this so much::

We are painting the red wall either light blue or gray with SPARKLES!!! (not the vampirey kind, though.) The carpet will eventually be replaced with laminate hardwood with the rest of the first floor when we renovate the kitchen.

I am now taking suggestions for an America themed playlist for painting this week. I’m starting with this song on repeat.

I’ll be updating periodically through the next couple weeks as we paint, move, and unpack the house… let the adventures of homeownership begin!

* I’ll post this story later as well… it was it’s own adventure in and of itself.

A Glass Case of Emotion April 5, 2013

Posted by jeneypeney in i'm just sayin', piss and moan, sentimental stuff.
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I’m a real sap, people. A pathetic, hopeless, emotional bundle of sappy, schmoopy feelings that unleash themselves in a torrent of tears, curse words, and mopey-face at the drop of a hat.

Usually the direct cause of this disorder is the arbitrary, fictional characters of television and film who insist on pulling at my heart string with all their funny quirks and heartbreaking shortcomings. Just to give you an idea of what I am talking about?

When I was a kid, my parents took me to see The Little Mermaid when it came out in theaters. I cried for HOURS when Ariel left King Triton to be with Eric. Her tearful and heartfelt goodbye to her daddy at her wedding was too much for my four year old heart to bear.

To this day, no matter how many times I watch it, I will promptly begin to bawl my eyes out in Armageddon when Bruce Willis’ character pushes Ben Affleck in to the elevator to take his place on that stupid space rock. “Harry I love you!” … gets me every. damn. time.

But there are plenty of other things that turn my tear-ducts in to overdrive.

This weekend I cried my eyes out at a freaking rock concert because the band decided to end their set with this song while showing Amanda Todd’s story on the big screen. One ginormous, sobbing mess I tell ya.

The Actual has actually learned which sniffing noise I make is indicative of a breakdown and preemptively holds me while I sob over THE STUPIDEST SHIT ANYONE COULD EVER CRY ABOUT!

So last night, while watching my go-to favorite show Grey’s Anatomy, I found myself fighting back tears right at the start of the show. Why?

No, not because Meredith and Derrick were making some pretty huge life decisions regarding their children in the wake of their genome tests.

Nope, not because of the pending doom that seems to be awaiting Dr. Bailey and the sudden spread of a life-threatening infection in her surgical patients.

Not even because Kepner’s cute EMT boyfriend is kind of being a poop about her coming clean regarding her virginity.

I was crying because the episode featured two Syrian surgeons who were flown to the states to learn how to perform procedures on those adults and children wounded in the war with nothing more than cotton balls, a match stick, and a flashlight.

Now… I understand the show is a work of fiction. I completely comprehend it is a part of a genre called “drama”. And I know the circumstances those two surgeons were explaining are not truly accurate depictions of what is truly happening in Syria. But that doesn’t negate the fact that there is a war raging as I write this… and that people are dying because of it.

Toward the end of the episode I sat up, looked at The Actual, and said, “I wish I didn’t care so much about things I have no control over.”

Recently my state won Mother Jones’ Anti-Choice March Madness bracket and for good reason. My brother’s right to marry the man he loves is currently being decided by our nation’s highest court. And recently I witnessed some of the most blatant racism I have ever seen fly right under the radar on my own campus.

Quite some time ago I wrote about being emotionally drained due to issues very similar to those in this post. I do sincerely wish sometimes that I was ignorant of these matters. I also find myself insanely jealous of The Actual’s ability to keep so calm and collected in the face of them.*

I wish I didn’t care about things I have no control over. I wish I had control over these things. I wish the people who do have control would just be reasonable.

I wish this world wasn’t so damn ugly. I’m too stupid emotional to handle it… just ask Ariel and Shonda Rhimes.

* Side Story: When the abortion laws were signed in North Dakota, our Governor began to receive death threats. The Actual and I were talking about it when I mentioned I thought those people were going a bit too far. He replied by saying, “Well it wouldn’t be so hard to kill him now. Just find a way to get him pregnant.”

The Gangnam Goat Shake? March 6, 2013

Posted by jeneypeney in bloggers do it best, i'm a moron, pop culture, what the hell.
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As a member of Generation Y, I like to do my peers proud and stay up-to-date with the latest in pop-cultural and internet sensations.

I was a huge fan of LOLCats and Rick Rolling and I will always, always laugh like an idiot when I watch Honey Badger.

Leroy Jenkins, Duck Face, Condescending Wonka, McKayla in Not Impressed… I fully bought in to all of them. I read, watched, and subscribed to every page and video. I would reference them in my everyday conversations. I shared them on Facebook, added them to my Tumblr feed, and e-mailed them to my Dad because I knew my Mom just wouldn’t understand.

Then something happened… and it all started with a guy from South Korea riding an imaginary horse like someone from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

While I wasn’t the biggest fan of Gangnam Style, I understood how the absurdity of the whole video and slightly catchy tune of the song would attract the attention and admiration of a population of individuals who gave life to shows like Teen Mom and Jersey Shore.

But soon after, The Harlem Shake happened.

And folks…. I just don’t get it.

I mean, humping the air and flailing your arms around does not a Harlem Shake make. I’m not even sure how this became a thing? It is supposed to be funny? Is there some kind of joke I am missing out on? Am I just getting old? Why don’t I understand?!?!

(Don’t even get me started on Screaming Goats. That shit’s just annoying.)

So if someone could please – for the love of all that is holy – explain these things to me?

I’ll be here waiting on the porch telling all the kids to get off my lawn…