The One About Crazy Moms and Lost Messages April 20, 2012Posted by jeneypeney in a little help from my friends, all growed up, life, the famn damily, what the hell.
Before I start – and just in case anyone was curious – I would like to make something very clear…
There will be absolutely no zygotes, fetuses, babies, or any other form of tiny human being incubated and grown in my lady parts any time in the next few years.
It’s not that I don’t want kids someday; I do. I have simply decided to head off the, “So when are are starting a family?” conversations that I am sure to encounter beginning June 24th.
Or, more importantly, if you happen to be my baby-crazy-I-want-grandchildren-like-yesterday mother – I am putting the kibosh on any more of your “Honeymoon Surprise!” wishes.
I seem to have those, “I want grandchildren!”/”Get off my back!” conversations with my mom far too often. Yesterday I had a particular doozie in which I kind of went all Gretchen Wieners on my mom’s ass and this is how it went:
Baby-Crazy-Mom: “I was telling your dad yesterday I hope you and Brian have an oopsie during the honeymoon…”
Empty-Uterus: “Not going to happen. We cannot afford to have a baby right now.”
BCM: “Well, whatever your insurance doesn’t cover I am sure The Actual’s will.”
EU: “That doesn’t mean we can afford the crib, changing table, diapers, food, toys, clothes and all that nonsense. I would probably have to take a leave of absence for an extended period of time considering all the heavy lifting I and all the chemicals I am exposed to – the stress of living on one income wouldn’t help anything”
BCM: “But your father and I just saw a four-in-one crib at Sears!”
EU: “Well, that’s nice – do they make four-in-one diapers too?! How about food that digests in to more edible food after the kid shits it out? Have you seen any self-washing onesies lately? I SAID NO BABIES!”
I just can’t seem to get this through her head. Despite the blatant privilege I have been afforded of actually having health insurance, a decent paying job, and the ability to afford the birth control my insurance does not cover through a Planned Parenthood that is only a 10 minute drive away, The Actual and I are not ready to procreate.
Hell – I’m lucky if I remember to pants on before I leave the house or can feed myself proper meals seven nights a week.
I guess besides needing to get this frustration off my chest, I was wondering how I get my mom to understand where I am coming from? How do I get her to understand this is less about her getting grand babies to spoil and more about us being handed a huge platter of responsibility we are not ready for?