Blogging is hard, yo. November 10, 2010Posted by jeneypeney in all growed up, bloggers do it best, i'm a moron, life.
I’ve had quite a few followers
harass ask me why I haven’t been blogging even though I was all sorts of “I’m going to blog ALL THE TIME!!” a few months back.
I wish I had an awesomely funny excuse for you – but I don’t. And that’s the reason I haven’t been updating. I am just too damn lazy to be entertaining.
So I did what every other self-respecting lazy blogger does when they hit a wall – I jump on the current bandwagon to get my rear in gear.
Now I give you Day 1: Something You Hate About Yourself
In all honesty, I am one of the most self-critical people I have ever met. You can ask The Actual – it drives him crazy. I could write a dissertation on the aspects of myself I don’t particularly care for: My awful habit of picking at my cuticles. My complete lack of an internal compass. All the stupid decisions I made my junior year of college.
But really, the one thing that hate the most is that I care far too much about other people for my own good. I am constantly putting other people’s needs and wants before my own. I always take everyone else’s burdens onto my shoulders even when they’re issues have absolutely nothing to do with me. I become a walking time-bomb of emotional stress when – in reality – there is NOTHING wrong with my own life.
Don’t get me wrong, I take pride in the fact that I am a fiercely loyal friend and I will always be a shoulder to cry on, a ride home, or a verbal punching bag for anyone who needs it. However, I need to learn how to be that friend without being an emotional sponge as well.
I don’t know if it is the Libran need for balance in me or not, but I hate seeing others in pain. For example – when two friends of mine who happen to be dating each other would get into fights, I found myself in the middle of it trying to mediate the argument. WHY IN THE HELL DID I DO THAT?! Their fights had nothing to do with me and I had absolutely no obligation to help them resolve it. Yet there I was, trying to fix their relationship problems when I had my own to worry about.
I have always been the kind of friend that would limp around the wreckage of an accident on a broken leg, bleeding from my abdomen with a concussion making sure all of my friends were okay before I even thought about getting into an ambulance myself. And I have come to the realization that this attitude has hurt me more than it has ever helped anyone.
And I hate that about myself.