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Why soccer will never be appreciated in the United States: A rope of sand June 18, 2010

Posted by jeneypeney in piss and moan, save yo drama fo yo mama, sports.

WARNING: This is a sports related post. If for some reason you do not live, eat, breathe, sleep, and die for the athletic world, you might want to steer your browser this way.

When I was a kid, my mother was absolutely hell-bent on making her only daughter the girliest girl that girl-dom ever did see.

When she signed me up for dance classes, I shoved my tights in the heating vent and tossed my shoes in the back of my closet. “I don’t know where they went, Mommy. Maybe Jordan (the dog) ate them?”

Then she tried drama classes. Guess who never remembered to bring her script to rehearsal?

Don’t even get me started on the pageant and baton twirling crap.

So at the tender age of nine, when she realized that frilly dresses and big bows were not in my future, she handed me off to my father and directed him to, “Get her into something so she doesn’t get pregnant or addicted to meth before middle school.”

That’s when I started playing soccer.

Now, I know that soccer isn’t entirely a red-headed step-child of sports here in America, but it’s not exactly the Marsha Brady of the family either.

I’ve put up with the taunts, the jeers, and the criticism from people who don’t understand the beauty and intricacy of the game. I’ve even been told that “soccer players aren’t real athletes”, to which I say, why don’t you try running up and down a 130 yard field virtually non-stop for an hour and a half (at least) while people kick and jump and slide at your feet. Oh, and kick a ball as close to your body as possible while you’re doing it.

Not so easy is it, asshole?

Anyrant, I have come to terms with the fact that soccer will never be as big a sensation in the US as it is in other countries.

Why? Because we, as a nation, do not have patience. We want everything right. fucking. NOW. Especially when it comes to sports.

No one really wants to watch basketball players dribble and pass the ball – we all want to see mind-blowing three pointers and gravity defying slam dunks.

No one honestly cares about a football team’s eleven play drive down the field – we’d rather watch a running back take it eighty yards on his own or a wide receiver catch it with one hand in the corner of the end zone.

And don’t even try to tell me that you don’t wish for home run hits during baseball games.

I know these are gross generalizations and not every citizen of this country – or every sport organization – is this way. However, I think I can honestly say that we will never be patient enough to watch a sport that consists of ninety minutes of passing, shooting, and defending without a score for soccer to ever become one of the Big 4* (5?) of the United States.

Much like no one who reads my blog anymore had enough patience to read over 500 words on this crap…




1. zizouandbecks - June 18, 2010

I totally agree on the whole patience thing. I just don’t understand how people don’t feel the same way about baseball. They just stand around 90% of the time!

2. Stevie - June 18, 2010

This is SO true. Although, we have a new MLS team here in Seattle, the Sounders, and I gotta say that our city has embraced soccer like nothing I’ve ever seen.

But I think it also has to do with the fact that we’ve never had pro sports teams that were THAT good. Sure, the Mariners have been to the playoffs a few times and won the penant back in 95 and 97, the Seahawks have been to the playoffs and were in the Super Bowl (still bitter about that game!) and the Sonics were playing some pretty awesome basketball for awhile, but now they’re GONE…but we’ve never had a consistent winning franchise in this city. Until the Sounders came. And EVERYONE I know growing up in this area played soccer as a kid. And you should see this city right now during the World Cup. It is ALIVE and buzzing and it’s just awesome. But unfortunately that’s not the norm.

Uh, yeah. Long comment. Sorry 🙂

3. JeffScape - June 18, 2010

I dunno… MLS has enjoyed a constant growth since its inception, and as a kid growing up in Southern California, soccer was already HUUUUUUUGE.

4. Joe A - June 18, 2010

I’ve wondered for a long time why, when so many US kids grow up playing soccer, that it’s not bigger than it is. You are absolutely right about the whole patience thing, too. That’s part of the reason baseball is beginning to slip in popularity.

To Stevie: I’m a Seahawks fan living in South Bend, and I’m still bitter about that Super Bowl too! And, I’m probably the only person in Indiana who owns a Sounders hat, but I can’t claim I knew the team when I got it, just liked the logo.

5. gingermandy - June 19, 2010

aaaaaaaaaaaand I just got rick-rolled. good freakin job, jeney.

6. DC Princess - June 21, 2010

Having been born and raised in Turkey, futbol is a HUGE part of my life and it didn’t hurt that we were third in the World Cup a few years back 😉

I’ve come to accept that futbol will never be appreciated in the US, except when it’s hyped up during a World Cup when the US actually makes it in or when a David Beckham makes his way across the ocean.

Sure, there are people like you who can appreciate it because you understand it.



7. carissa - June 22, 2010

I’ll go ahead and admit it… I am not a huge fan of any sport. I grew up dancing and never really had a desire to play anything else.HOWEVER- my best friend’s boyfriend is the goalie (well was until he got majorly injured a few weeks ago) for the New England Revolution and his games were always a blast to go to! I’m not sure if it helped because we knew someone.. but still fun~!

8. Isaiah Walter Paul 2-bit Diomedes Pepe Sperm Charlie Josaih Tigo Beckman - June 23, 2010

I read it all!!! and soccer is called football in every other country, but this one (not 100% on that). To be honest with you, i hate soccer and i still root for U-S-A!!! And, I know you’d rather watch the Bears and Packers rather than the Fire and Galaxy!! Don’t you lie to me! haha It’s all about entertainment and i don’t get that with a 1-1 or 1-0 or ending a game with a tie (what the fuck is that). USA would rather watch NCAA Div 1 softball rather than gay soccer… plus those chicks are fine!!!

9. Mike Geary Truth About Abs - June 28, 2010

Losing is like vanilla ice cream. But winning is like your favorite ice cream with a topping. Even if you loose you still get to play the game… but winning is much better!

10. cari - July 2, 2010

it appears that you are wrong in your final assessment (you know, the one about people not caring).

i can honestly say i’ve never gotten into soccer, but when i was babysitting last week, i did manage to find the world cup and watched the final few minutes of the game. it was really cool actually.

i played a bit of soccer with some friends and we were hilariously terrible at it, but it was fun. and yeah, running, running, running. especially because none of us knew what we were doing. except the goalie. because he’s a real goalie. i think we amused him, too. a lot.

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