Letters to My Morning February 1, 2010Posted by jeneypeney in FML, letters, piss and moan, shenanigans, the midwest.
Dear Alarm Clock,
I admire your persistence. I really do. But for the love of God I have owned you since I was in Junior High. Don’t you think it’s about time you break?
The sound you make makes me violent,
Dear Coffee Pot,
I love you more than words can express.
Dear Contact Lenses,
I would apologize for neglecting to put you in this morning, but in all honesty you’re lucky I even considered it for the millisecond I did.
I can’t even keep my eyes open to write this,
Dear Below Freezing Temperatures,
Not cool, yo. I’m really not a fan of walking out in 2 degree weather and thinking, “Oh, it’s not bad out. I could have worn a lighter coat.”
I’m moving to Arizona,
Dear Truck in Front of Me with Dual Exhaust,
I understand that emission checks are not required in NoDak, but I really hope you die a slow painful death for exuding such a foul smelling, earth killing exhaust twice as fast
and into my general direction.
I still can’t breathe,
Dear Sirius Satellite Radio,
I cannot thank you enough for playing MMMBop on 90’s on 9. At least you put a smile on my face before I get into the office.
Don’t judge me,
Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you for sending me this totally kick ass travel mug that looks like a disposable coffee cup.