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You can get a hooker and crack for a DOLLAR! August 4, 2009

Posted by jeneypeney in a little help from my friends, being appropriate is overrated, life, shenanigans.
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Like any other typical 20-something living on their own in a state they’ve never been to in which they know aproximately one half of a person, I am dead broke. As a result, I bargain shop my ass off. (Litterally. I’ve lost about 3 pounds already.) You may be asking, “Why Jeney, where does one shop so hard they actually shed fat cells?!” To that questions, my friends, I have three words for you: The Dollar Tree.

The glorious thing about the Dollar Tree is that everything is, in fact, priced at one dollar. Unlike Dollar General where products are “generally” a dollar or the Family Dollar where you get the government version of “family discounts” – the Dollar Tree is true to its name.

I have been shopping at the Dollar Tree since I was a wee tike. It has recently been brought to my attention, however, that there are individuals in this nation that have not experienced the wondrous glory that is the Dollar Tree. Two said individuals happened to be my old roommates.

We ventured to the Dollar Tree before heading out for our 4th mexican meal that week. There, I grabbed some razors, shaving cream, and cotton balls ($3.21) then proceeded to leave the building where my roommates where nowhere to be found. Perhaps they are at the car? Nope. Perhaps the wandered into the used record store? No dice. The salon picking up girls? Absolutely not.

They were still in the Dollar Tree running around the aisles as if they were sex-starved seminary students in the red light dictrict. (Okay, so I guess four year olds in a candy store would have been a less crude analogy – but if you knew my roommates you would understand why that was appropriate.) They were absolutely astonished at the products that were available.
“Jeney! You can get a 25 ounce beer mug for a DOLLAR!”

“Jeney! They have whiffle ball bats and balls for a DOLLAR!”

“Jeney, if they have underwear in here I’m going to freak out.”

After a few ‘I can’t take you guys anywhere’s and ‘This is why we can’t have nice things’s – I finally pulled them out of the Dollar Tree. Of course this was only after one of them bought two pairs on sunglasses (for a DOLLAR!).

I miss having adventures with my roommates. They always made things interesting — for a DOLLAR!

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Comments»

1. Just A Girl - August 4, 2009

You mislead me. I was really hoping there would be ACTUAL hookers and crack. Even if they were like, three dollars.Also, Dollar Tree is hilarious good times.

2. Amy - August 4, 2009

My old roommate and I used to have a blast in EFADS (Everything For A Dollar Store). It was amazing. We literally bought everything. Random shit like a toy snake, decks of cards, and hand cream. I loved it…and then it closed 😦

3. Jeney - August 5, 2009

@Just a Girl I know… I apologize for the false advertising. I've been MIA so long I'm not even sure who reads this damn thing anymore. I bet there is a Dollar Tree somewhere that does provide hooker services. Vegas maybe?@Amy OMG! That's a damn shame if I have ever heard one! Who closes a dollar store??!!

4. SARAHNICOLE - August 5, 2009

I love the Dollar Tree. I'm a poor college student so I shop there a lot.

5. Allie - August 5, 2009

I'll admit the false advertising is what got me to click over from twitter. In my church youth group we did secret santa-type adventures in the dollar store. We all got the name of somebody in the group, a dollar and an hour to pick something out for them. it was awesome!

6. eschete - August 5, 2009

i need to find a dollar tree where I live. I haven't been in one of those in a long time.

7. Blondie - August 5, 2009

I love the dollar tree. I am always flat ass broke so that place is a second home to me…lol

8. victor eastwood - August 6, 2009

How come we always seem like little kids/idiots in your story?? :)You secretly love us both, but me more than Clint. I know it's okay, you don't have to admit it.You know I'll come visit first too!ps. you missed oak n' bucket last night, GLORIOUS!

9. Jeney - August 6, 2009

@Vic Because you two are little kids/idiots? But that is why I love you! Mmmm Oak n' Bucket… I miss that place. AND Uptown. AND Chipotle. Basically anything that's not a hot dog.

10. Organic Meatbag - August 18, 2009

What if what you're getting isn't even worth a dollar? Like a single piece of butterscotch candy?

11. Amy - February 25, 2010

My old roommate and I used to have a blast in EFADS (Everything For A Dollar Store). It was amazing. We literally bought everything. Random shit like a toy snake, decks of cards, and hand cream. I loved it…and then it closed 😦


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