Just a Lost Soul Swimmin' in a Fish Bowl

Blogging is hard, yo. November 10, 2010

I’ve had quite a few followers harass ask me why I haven’t been blogging even though I was all sorts of “I’m going to blog ALL THE TIME!!” a few months back.

I wish I had an awesomely funny excuse for you – but I don’t. And that’s the reason I haven’t been updating. I am just too damn lazy to be entertaining.

So I did what every other self-respecting lazy blogger does when they hit a wall – I jump on the current bandwagon to get my rear in gear.

The current bandwagon? 30 Days of Truth. Carissa started it for me… then JAG decided to put her spin on it. And now I suppose it’s my turn to succumb to the cool kids and jump off the bridge.

Now I give you Day 1: Something You Hate About Yourself

In all honesty, I am one of the most self-critical people I have ever met. You can ask The Actual – it drives him crazy. I could write a dissertation on the aspects of myself I don’t particularly care for: My awful habit of picking at my cuticles. My complete lack of an internal compass. All the stupid decisions I made my junior year of college.

But really, the one thing that hate the most is that I care far too much about other people for my own good. I am constantly putting other people’s needs and wants before my own. I always take everyone else’s burdens onto my shoulders even when they’re issues have absolutely nothing to do with me. I become a walking time-bomb of emotional stress when – in reality – there is NOTHING wrong with my own life.

Don’t get me wrong, I take pride in the fact that I am a fiercely loyal friend and I will always be a shoulder to cry on, a ride home, or a verbal punching bag for anyone who needs it. However, I need to learn how to be that friend without being an emotional sponge as well.

I don’t know if it is the Libran need for balance in me or not, but I hate seeing others in pain. For example – when two friends of mine who happen to be dating each other would get into fights, I found myself in the middle of it trying to mediate the argument. WHY IN THE HELL DID I DO THAT?! Their fights had nothing to do with me and I had absolutely no obligation to help them resolve it. Yet there I was, trying to fix their relationship problems when I had my own to worry about.

I have always been the kind of friend that would limp around the wreckage of an accident on a broken leg, bleeding from my abdomen with a concussion making sure all of my friends were okay before I even thought about getting into an ambulance myself. And I have come to the realization that this attitude has hurt me more than it has ever helped anyone.

And I hate that about myself.